In Memory of King Joffrey Baratheon
by Black Jellyfish
Summary: There is a flattering biography of the late Joffrey Baratheon inscribed on a tablet near His Grace's crypt. WHy not read it?


On a tablet near the crypt of the late King Joffrey Baratheon reads the following text

"Here lies King Joffrey of Houses Baratheon and Lannister, First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm

" _Since his early childhood, His Grace excelled in whatever he set out to learn; horseback riding, fencing, archery, mathematics, history, language, and many more._

 _His Grace's first step of manhood came at the age of seventeen, when he traveled unbidden to the estate of Lord Eddard Stark, Warden of the North and a dear friend to his father, King RObert Baratheon._

 _On that day, he saved the life of Lord Stark's beautiful daughter, Sansa Stark, by cutting the throat of a direwolf that was attacking her. He suffered a great gash in his arm as a result, but Sansa pledged her undying love to him in thanks for his heroic deed. His approving father rewarded his son's good deed by arranging a marriage between him and the young Lady Stark._

 _Soon after, tragedy struck when King RObert Baratheon was fatally wounded in a hunting accident. Upon learning of his King's death, the treasonous Lord Stark concocted a scheme to kill Joffrey and take the Iron Throne for himself._

 _The newly-crowned KIng Joffrey was forced to fight in self-defense, and when Lord Stark came to him with a dagger, the young hero decapitated him with a single stroke with his sword, Hearteater. Though she mourned her father, Sansa Stark acknowledged her fiancee's action as being just and proper._

 _Upon learning of his father's death, Lord Robb Stark led a rampage of rape, pillage, and plunder against the innocent smallfolk of the Seven Kingdoms. King Joffrey gave his honorable grandfather, Lord Tywin Lannister, the task of putting down the revolt of Robb Stark._

 _It was not long before KIng Joffrey gained a new opponent in Stannis Baratheon, brother of the late King Robert. When Stannis launched an assault against the city of King's Landing, King Joffrey brokered an alliance between himself and House Tyrell._

 _In order to counter the navy controlled by Stannis Baratheon, King Joffrey concocted the brilliant plan of planting wildfire in Blackwater Bay. He personally shot the flaming arrow that ignited the wildfire, successfully destroying all of the enemy ships._

 _King Joffrey personally led his men to fight the evil enemy forces. He personally claimed a good twenty lives with his own sword, including Stannis Baratheon. What was left of Stannis' army was destroyed by the good Tyrell soldiers._

 _Though the battle was won and though his glorious reign was preserved, KIng Joffrey was once again thrown into depression. In order to solidify his alliance with House Tyrell, he had no choice but to marry the Lady Margaery Tyrell, tearfully canceling his engagement with his beloved Sansa STark._

 _Soon, Joffrey received word that Robb Stark and his entourage were all killed by Lord Walder Frey when he took them in as guests. Lord Frey had done this in the hopes of being rewarded by the CRown. King Joffrey, however, was appalled by such a blatant transgression of hospitality and ordered Walder Frey's execution._

 _During his marriage ceremony to Margaery Tyrell, King Joffrey made sure that anyone was happy by bringing all manner of jugglers, exquisite bakers, and honorable man servants. He decreed that all the leftovers of the wedding feast would go not to the dogs, but to the poorest of the smallfolk of KIng's Landing._

 _ON that same day, however, King Joffrey was poisoned by the tainted wine his uncle, Tyrion Lannister had served him. The man was consumed with jealousy over King Joffrey's magnificence and good deeds, and had asked Sansa STark to supply him with the poison. She had agreed, aghast at the idea of King Joffrey marrying anyone but her._

 _But as he lay dying, King Joffrey was able to point at Tyrion and Sansa thanks to his his sheer willpower, marking them as the criminals they were. He then died gracefully and without a sound."_

This tribute was written by Grand Maester Pycelle and approved by the mother of the late King, Cersei Lannister.


End file.
